i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
