So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
