ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
