Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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