You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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