i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
