Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
