People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
