I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
