The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
