Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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