I will die if light touches me.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
