just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
