You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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