Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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