I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
