I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
