I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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