That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
