It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
