we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
