No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
