official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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