i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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