I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We had to coat check the pizza.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
we're so committed to being not committed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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