just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
