Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
