Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
