Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They have beer where we have blood.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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