this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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