My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
