I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
