No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
