Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
