cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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