She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
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