I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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