it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
