Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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