just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
