Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Randomize
