why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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