the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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