I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
