i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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