hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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