Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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