Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
