I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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