i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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