I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
