Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
