ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
